290/366 Turning Pain Into Strength

We all experience pain in life. Heartache, loss, disappointment. Suffering is a part of the human condition. When we're in the depths of it, it can be hard to see how we can ever recover from our deep pain. The idea that we might one day be grateful for our disappointment and hurt seems unthinkable.

Yet, we always have a choice. Even in our pain we have a choice to make. We get to decide whether we will take the opportunity and grow, or whether we will let it consume us. I by no means intend to make this seem simple; it may be the hardest thing we will ever do. But our pain may also be the thing that pushes us towards our greatest personal breakthroughs.

As Glennon Doyle Melton said recently in her discussion with Oprah:

"Pain is a traveling professor and it goes and knocks on everyone’s door. The smartest people I know are the people who say, come in and don't leave until you have taught me what I need to know." - Glennon Doyle Melton

It is our hurt that can crack us open and let the light in. It is our pain that can help move us towards living a more deeply fulfilling life. We have to hurt in order to know, fail in order to grow, lose in order to gain. Because, most of life’s lessons are learned through pain.

There is a psychological idea known as Post-Traumatic Growth. We are all familiar with its cousin, post-traumatic stress. Post-traumatic growth isn't discussed as frequently, but it is the concept that explains how many of us take our pain and use it as the energy to grow psychologically.

"Post-traumatic growth is not about returning to the same life as it was previously experienced before a period of traumatic suffering; but rather it is about undergoing significant 'life-changing' psychological shifts in thinking and relating to the world, that contribute to a personal process of change, that is deeply meaningful." (Tedeshi & Calhoun, 2004).

Here are 3 things we can do to help us channel our deep pain into an opportunity for our greatest growth:

Explore Our Feelings

We need to get in touch with our emotions, and be willing to feel them. To understand why we hurt, we have to dip deep into where the pain is stemming from. We may choose journaling, therapy or coaching - but we need to find some way to really explore and understand our feelings.

It is easy to say we are hurt because of heartbreak, but the question is, what part of the heartbreak is really causing us the pain? Is it that we feel like a failure? That we are grieving for a future that no longer exists? Or that we don't feel worthy of love?

Express our emotions and work through them until we can find their root cause. Self-reflection and personal understanding is a prerequisite to deeper psychological growth.

Look for the Lesson

In order to grow from a painful experience, we need to focus our mind on looking for the lesson. This is one way of choosing to have a growth-mindset.

No matter what the situation, we will be able to uncover a lesson if we look hard enough. If we have been faced with an illness, perhaps it can teach us what we need to prioritize in life. If we are recovering from heartbreak, perhaps it can highlight our need to respect our self more, so that we are not prone to letting other people disrespect us.

Looking for the lesson is about taking our power back. We can't wallow indefinitely in the pain if we are to step up and grow. Once we've identified the root cause of our hurt, we have the power to look for what can we learn from the situation.

Resolve to Change

Once we can acknowledge what our current situation might have to teach us, we need to resolve to change. Real positive growth must be followed by action. We have to do things differently. This is where our pain can truly turn into our greatest power.

It may be that we re-prioritize how we live our life, so that the things that really matter to us play a bigger part. Or we may resolve to focus on truly deep-down loving our self before we begin to look for another romantic partner. Our actions will always be so personal to our self.

Real growth comes from a willingness to change. We need to do things differently and use our pain as the thing that leads us on our path to growth.

It may be useful to have a coach or other professional help us work through these stages. We can accelerate our growth when we work with skilled professionals who can help guide us.

We can turn our pain into power. If we are willing to work out where the pain stems from, recognize there is a lesson to be learned, and turn our new knowledge into action, we will come through the suffering a brighter and stronger person.

It is easier for us to spot the red car once we keep thinking about it. It also easier to spot opportunity when we keep thinking about it. Last but not least, it is easier for us to make excuses when we keep thinking to run away from the problems. We become what we constantly think about. Stay positive people.